I wish I only lived at night.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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