Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize