He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
