Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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