someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
