i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
