somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
