I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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