the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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