she told me i tasted like america
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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