wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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