My liver just broke up with me...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
pop tarts are not kleenex
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
