return my video game
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
