Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
