Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize