My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
