he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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