So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
