4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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