Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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