just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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