Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
