apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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