All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
