I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
