youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He felt like a one man threesome
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
