He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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