just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
