nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
