JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I need a burrito and a hug.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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