Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If I die, sorry about rent.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
