"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
