you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Every concussion has its silver lining
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
