I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
