I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
