Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
