He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize