There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
