i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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