He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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