Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
