just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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