It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
