uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
