Don't make out with my wife yet
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
