This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
