so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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