shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
