imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
