Got a toothbrush?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I party with great urgency now.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
