did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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