Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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