Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
