I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
