All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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