Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Randomize
