i will never coherently bang her
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
