I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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