my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
