I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
