all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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