Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Gay?
German.
Pity.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
