Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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