East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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