It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
