shes about as inviting as chlamydia
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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