just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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