Pants 0. Shit 1.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
