What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Your cock deserves a montage
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
And then he peed in my hair
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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