omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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