God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
