A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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