Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
