So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
