I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize