i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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