Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
