I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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