chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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