I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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