you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
