remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
