My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
