I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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