he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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