HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
