so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
