he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
