Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
When are your genitals available?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
