dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
