I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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