I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize