Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
