So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
only you would photoshop your dick
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
