Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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