I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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