Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
