The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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