so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
