I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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