I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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