The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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