Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
