i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he thought i was a dude.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
