She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize