Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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