a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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