I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Oh god it's open bar.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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