i think my mom watched the whole time
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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