that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
