I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
