I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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