The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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