Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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