Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
